No lists, lower expectations...

I have never been that girl with the list. He doesn't have to be between 5'10" and 6'3" with sandy blonde hair with xyz occupation and the following beliefs. That is not me. I have to have a good time when I am with him, and I have to know that he loves me. That's about it.

Why is that something that's so complicated? Where in the handbook of "Becoming a Man" does it say "once she's yours, you no longer have to try"? Who came up with THAT b.s. lie?

News flash. We need to hear it. We need to hear that you find us attractive. We need to hear that you love us, or that something we've done (whether it be fold your laundry, or how you just had the best sex in your life) made you feel special. THAT is why we do those things. Not because we want to. To make sure you know how we feel about you.

It just dawned on me that in a different home with almost completely different circumstances, my sister is turning into me. The emotional wear your heart on your sleeve, no idea how beautiful you really are teenager that I was which brings me to the person I am today. She is 12. She is a knock out. Long brown hair, pretty eyes, tall, thin... Yet she has no clue...

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that she should be one of those ANNOYING BRATS who thinks that their poop doesn't stink. But she needs to know that she's special. She needs to know that she's pretty, and smart and talented. I need to do a better job of making her feel that way, and so does everyone else.

Now let's talk about expectations. For those of you who don't know, I have obsessive compulsive disorder that manifests itself in counting. This is my coping mechanism. But essentially, I have ridiculously high expectations of myself, and being the bleeding heart person that I am, I unfortunately have high expectations of others. The expectations of myself are fine. It makes me who I am. The hard working over achiever who is extremely successful for not having a degree at the age of 24.

It is my expectations of other people that is slowly killing me inside. This is what I must learn how to not deal with. The higher your expectations? The more you are disappointed. This is what I am learning. So how do I have lower expectations of other people? Especially issues that do not even directly involve me? What do I care if XYZ isn't doing their job properly and nothing is being done about it? Why should that eat me up and piss me off? You're right... It shouldn't. But it does.

So I am 24. On top of deciding that I need to be a healthier me... work out, floss, drink fluids regularly... I need to learn how to better my relationships with other by not being so disappointed in their failures that may not even be considered a failure in their eyes.

My in laws are in town tomorrow. Expect quite from me most of the weekend. Look forward to some pictures of the Bartender's Ball early next week.