What are you doing for you?

Since you all are apparently enjoying my self exploration blogs (you sick and twisted people), I’ve decided to make a conscious effort to have better blog topics.  Now don’t get me wrong, you will still get the life updates, what I did on the weekend, what movies I am enjoying…  But for some unknown reason, people are actually reading this.  So I have decided to make an impact with what I have.  My words.  Deep… I know.

So all of that being said.  I have just finished several articles about doing things for yourself and I will go so far as to say that it is necessary to date yourself!

“Nobody will think you’re somebody if you don’t think so yourself.”
African-American proverb

It has recently dawned on me that in the last… 9 years, I have spent a total of maybe 3 months (high estimate) being single.  Whenever anyone would ask me what my biggest fear was, I would always respond that it was by far being alone.  Why is that?

I think we all know that I have very recently learned that the only person who can make me happy, is me.  So why then do we spend so much time trying to make ourselves who someone else would want, as opposed to finding someone who fits us just as we are?

So here is my next challenge and I strongly encourage you all to join me on this one.  Date yourself.  Take yourself out and get to know who you are.  This is something you can do regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship, though I strongly encourage you to explain to your SO if you are in a relationship exactly what it is you are doing.  It can only make your relationships better as you learn who it is you are and what you need in a partner.

So here is my plan…

What is my idea of a perfect first date?  Once I have the answer for this I will be taking myself out on it.  Now I know what you’re thinking, I’m only setting up the next first date for failure but all I’m really doing is ensuring that I’m not settling for anything less than what I deserve.  So I will be getting all prettied up and taking myself out on whatever that first date would be.  Yes, of course I will be sharing it with you all.

Go on a weekend getaway.  I am dedicating a weekend in June to take a trip to the beach by myself.  I will eat at all of the restaurants that I choose, read books on the beach and never have to go back to the condo because somebody else is “ready to go”, I will talk to people that I otherwise wouldn’t talk to and I will have a fantastic time being out with myself.

Get to know myself.  My goal over the next few months is to build a relationship with myself by getting to know exactly who I am.  I will be taking all of the typical questions you would normally ask someone that you are getting to know in a relationship, and making sure that I know the answers to my own questions!

This is just a start for me.  I strongly encourage you to read the articles below and take the challenges I am about to face along side of me as I learn how to live fearlessly and love myself like nobody else can.

http://www.cleo.com.au/date_yourself_for_a_while.htm?page=1

http://www.moreofmetolove.com/blogs/entry/have-a-great-relationship-with-yourself/

http://www.stratejoy.com/2011/02/how-to-date-yourself-in-10-ways/

No lists, lower expectations...

I have never been that girl with the list. He doesn't have to be between 5'10" and 6'3" with sandy blonde hair with xyz occupation and the following beliefs. That is not me. I have to have a good time when I am with him, and I have to know that he loves me. That's about it.

Why is that something that's so complicated? Where in the handbook of "Becoming a Man" does it say "once she's yours, you no longer have to try"? Who came up with THAT b.s. lie?

News flash. We need to hear it. We need to hear that you find us attractive. We need to hear that you love us, or that something we've done (whether it be fold your laundry, or how you just had the best sex in your life) made you feel special. THAT is why we do those things. Not because we want to. To make sure you know how we feel about you.

It just dawned on me that in a different home with almost completely different circumstances, my sister is turning into me. The emotional wear your heart on your sleeve, no idea how beautiful you really are teenager that I was which brings me to the person I am today. She is 12. She is a knock out. Long brown hair, pretty eyes, tall, thin... Yet she has no clue...

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that she should be one of those ANNOYING BRATS who thinks that their poop doesn't stink. But she needs to know that she's special. She needs to know that she's pretty, and smart and talented. I need to do a better job of making her feel that way, and so does everyone else.

Now let's talk about expectations. For those of you who don't know, I have obsessive compulsive disorder that manifests itself in counting. This is my coping mechanism. But essentially, I have ridiculously high expectations of myself, and being the bleeding heart person that I am, I unfortunately have high expectations of others. The expectations of myself are fine. It makes me who I am. The hard working over achiever who is extremely successful for not having a degree at the age of 24.

It is my expectations of other people that is slowly killing me inside. This is what I must learn how to not deal with. The higher your expectations? The more you are disappointed. This is what I am learning. So how do I have lower expectations of other people? Especially issues that do not even directly involve me? What do I care if XYZ isn't doing their job properly and nothing is being done about it? Why should that eat me up and piss me off? You're right... It shouldn't. But it does.

So I am 24. On top of deciding that I need to be a healthier me... work out, floss, drink fluids regularly... I need to learn how to better my relationships with other by not being so disappointed in their failures that may not even be considered a failure in their eyes.

My in laws are in town tomorrow. Expect quite from me most of the weekend. Look forward to some pictures of the Bartender's Ball early next week.