Being inside of my head is exhausting…

Seriously.  I have been doing a lot of research the past few days on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and whether or not it is something that is genetic, or results from how you’re raised.  And you’d better believe I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that my kids are not faced with the same issues that I struggle with.  I want my kids to be able to grow up, and to a point be able to shut things down when they need to.  I don’t want the anxious obsessive compulsive side of me to come out in their personality at all.  And quite frankly, I’m terrified that I’m going to fail.

Don’t get me wrong, I truly feel that my OCD is part of why I’m so successful at whatever I do and why I’m good at the things I’m good at.  But I also feel that most of my social hang ups are a direct result of my “black and white” way of life.

I got laid off today, and though my last day isn’t until the 16th, I spent the second half of the day at home.  I’ve barely been home for four hours and I’ve already completed two loads of laundry, changed the sheets on the bed, re-organized the closet, picked up the bedroom, re-structured my entire budget to live within the confines of my new income that unemployment will bring, prepped dinner for two nights, and researched ways to make money on the side and start my own business.  How in the hell am I going to survive six months of this?

I’m definitely interested in starting something that I can do from home such as PR and Marketing, creating files for people, etc. so that I will be able to stay home with the blueberry and contribute towards the financial stability we’ve worked so hard to obtain.  So maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?  No more spending $400+ a month in gas, no night meetings, just getting the house ready for Pratt baby #1.

That’s all I’ve got for now because I’m physically and mentally exhausted.  Write more soon.