So it has been four months since my last blog entry… and they have been a long four months. For those of you who are unaware, they have involved me losing several friends who I would have considered pretty damn good ones, getting out of a great gone toxic in a heartbeat relationship, and starting the process of reconciling with my ridiculously patient husband.
Even though things are going very well with Jayson, I have a small group of amazing friends, and have finally been blessed with my shot at being a mom – I am more confused, and lost than when I first started writing to you all one year ago…
Can somebody help me understand this part, please? We are three months pregnant and making new preparations for our little bundle of joy every day, but I am too sick to enjoy what is coming. I have great friends who would do anything for me and yet there are days where I’d like to tell them all to stuff it and hide in a hole. And honestly sometimes it feels like Jayson and I have changed so much over the past year that I am living with a stranger, even though some days it feels like we are closer than we ever have been before. It’s all maddening.
I literally spend a good 60% of the time that I’m awake screaming inside. Any patience that I had is completely gone. With coworkers, friends, random people who don’t know how to drive, you name it. My fuse was short to begin with, and blame it on the hormones if you will, but now it is gone.
Just me letting it out, but am going to follow up with a bit more sunshine and rainbows about the baby because despite what I have stated above, I am freaking ecstatic and tearing up just thinking about playing with my new baby! I’ll let you know when I’ve finished.
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