Some of these will show my… interesting sense of humor, but hopefully some others will put a smile on your face!
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. ~Fred Allen
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” ~Robert McCloskey
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~Oscar Wilde
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.’ ~Unknown
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." ~Douglas Adams
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