One good thing about music – when it hits you, you feel no pain

Yes, I really and truly did just quote Sublime in my blog title.  It happened.  I realized yesterday (yes, it took me that long) that music is my best companion.  Don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of my friends that I spend time with.  But when I get into a funk and want to hide in the corner?  What I need more than anything is a good song with lyrics that express exactly how I am feeling, belted out at the top of my lungs, followed by a song about how it’s going to be okay.

I love to sing.  Singing makes everything alright in my world.  I’ve shared with a few of you my instances of being unable to pick myself up off the floor… or shower floor in the past couple of weeks and singing through half of my repertoire of a particular type of music has been what has made me pick myself up and tell myself that it is going to be ok.

That’s it for now, but I think I will spend some time this weekend updating my blog playlist so that while y’all are hear reading about the mind numbing things I have to say, you can at least get a dose of what it is that I am talking about.

Watch for Facebook photos this weekend as it’s another action packed one in my little green book!

I get a little bit stronger…

I just wanted to say thank you for all of the positive support and encouragement from yesterday’s blog.  For the first time in a long time I have people in my life that I can depend on and it truly is an amazing feeling.  So y’all get a huge pat on the back.

I had slept really well two nights ago with the help of a friend and was even able to get out of the apartment and on my way to work before 8am.

Today I will not get home from work until 10:30pm and it is putting a huge storm cloud over my head.  I need to snap out of it if I hope to accomplish anything today.

I brought my husband with me last night to a kickball scrimmage.  I am a very competitive person with a bit of a temper that usually doesn’t go so well for all involved when I am playing sports.  He made it a point to compliment me after we left on how much I had calmed down in that regards.  I explained to him that I did lose my temper once but felt absolutely HORRIBLE for it as soon as I did it.  He told me that he was proud of the change that I had made.  It felt great to have someone else recognize all of the hard work that I am putting into myself.  And it even made me realize that I have in fact made some changes.

I am definitely still sad but it just dawned on me that I find myself filling up my calendar now because there are people that I want to spend time with more than the need to just not be by myself.  I love my friends.  I know that for a lot of you that doesn’t seem like some huge revelation but it truly is for me.

When I organized my previous Meetup group I didn’t do a very good job cultivating relationships.  I focused on managing the group.  I have learned that I can do both.  I can constantly put together new events and make sure that new people are creating friendships and take this group of… 15? people that I love and continue to grow relationships…  It’s one of my super powers.  Aside from the steel hands that I apparently have…

If you have no idea what I am talking about, let’s just say I was told I rode the mechanical bull for over 3 minutes today.  Alright.  Fine.  I will go get in the shower and get on with this day.  Hope you all make it a great one.  Lots of love.

Writing for me, enjoy.

So for those of you who have known me for a very long time, you know that over the course of the past 10 years, that I have not, for more than… three days (?) been single.  Therefore I envy those of you who complain about being single.  Not because of the lonely nights or feeling like you can’t find someone, but for being able to handle the lonely nights.  The lonely nights that apparently come even when you don’t want to be with someone!  THAT is how I know I am not ready for a relationship.

I have been drinking daily, spending a ridiculous amount of time with people to keep myself from going home, and just straight up losing my mind for the past couple of weeks.

Yet somehow they have been worth it.  As all of my friends know right now, recently I have created quite a few rules for myself.  No dating.  No drinking Mon-Thurs.  No more involving myself in others business when it is unwarranted.

I am a mess.  And that is okay.

It took me seven months to realize that I am clearly not over something I have been fooling myself to believe is okay.  Yes, I am referring to my marriage.  I have struggled more in the past month with my marriage than I have in the three years that I have been married.  I cry myself to sleep and even when there are other people in my apartment (aka drunken girls passed out on my couch) I still feel more alone than I ever have.

So my pledge to myself is to look forward, and learn how to deal with those all to frequent lonely nights that I have been experiencing lately.  More importantly than that, my goal is to not only be brutally honest with others about their things, but to open up to those friends that I love so dearly and truly do consider to be my best friends for life.  Lately I have been putting on a facade for those people and pretending that everything is okay and I am saying now that it is not.  I am not alright.

Through all of this, it is amazing how much love there is in my life.  I want to thank the amazing people in my life for caring for me the way you do.  For helping me regain my confidence back on a daily basis and making me feel like the rockstar organizer that I can apparently be.  It means the world to me.

I’m going to start writing more again.  I don’t know why I have been keeping it bottled up.

I’m in love with me

I will start by saying that yes, I realize it has been two weeks since my last post.  For that I am sorry :)  Now on to the good stuff…

I never thought that I could be in such a screwed up position in my life and be as completely and totally content and in love with myself as I am right now.  I have arrived at this awesome place where I truly do not give a rip what anybody has to say about me and I’m going to do what I want when I want and you are more than welcome to join me.

I am done with trying to fool myself that I am not broken.  I have gone through a lot lately and all of the people I know in my situation are just as broken as myself, if not more so.  However for the first time in my life I am doing the things that I want to do for me.  I am making amazing friends and awesome memories.  I am also learning that I am apparently a good friend and a strong woman.

I am this crazy person who laughs at her own jokes, sings at the top of her lungs, and organizes people and events with a tiny bit of flare and “spunk”.  Seriously… what’s not to love?  Have I mentioned that I make a mean chicken alfredo and know the lyrics to virtually any song that I have heard more than twice?

if you are stuck in the land of needing someone else to love you for you to be happy, I implore you, figure out what makes you who you are, and be that person.  It is such an amazing way to live your life.

My First Date – with me

Alright, so for those of you who already knew that I did this, you know I’m about a week late in getting it up.  Sue me, I have been one busy lady!

So, last Tuesday after coming back from a long weekend in NY and having a horrible day at work on Tuesday, I had to sit through class and a frustrating Board meeting and when I got out at 8:15 I had simply had enough!  I needed some me time.

I went home, got changed, grabbed my book and headed to the Arboretum to figure out what I wanted to eat.

I ended up at Chili’s (for those of you who have never been to the Chili’s at the Arboretum it has a gorgeous back patio area on the water that’s simply tranquil) book in hand and ready to relax.  I ordered myself a glass of wine and decided to be completely unhealthy by getting the appetizer sampler as my meal consisting of boneless buffalo wings, spinach & artichoke dip, and potato skins.  Like I said, completely unhealthy.

I sat there reading my book in the back of the restaurant enjoying the view of the water and got completely lost in myself.  There was no checking my phone every five minutes to see who had texted me.  I didn’t care.  I was on an amazing first date.  I was laughing at myself out loud based on my reactions to what I was reading in my novel, people watching a bit, and just enjoying my own company.

After that I headed home to enjoy a nice relaxing bubble bath.  This time I brought my laptop in but it was only to enjoy the next episode of Instant Star.  There was still no chatting with anybody.  It was so relaxing and definitely what I needed.

Anyway, I’m swamped through the end of May but I have several plans next month to get out and do stuff by myself.

Hope you all have a great week.

My May trip to NY – Family time

Alright, now that you know all about friend time, it’s time to show off my goofy family.  Saturday Dad and I packed the family into the truck and drove to Penn Yan for a visit to the windmill, pretzels, and butterfly fries.  It was great to spend some quality time with the kids who for the most part behaved.

Tyler is such a goof.  He didn’t want his picture taken but I got him anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tessa also not wanting her photo taken… I can’t win.

 

Grrrr…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now she’s smiling!

This was the best I could do.  He wouldn’t put the can down or come any closer…  Snot nose.

So Sunday we celebrated my grandfather’s 70th birthday with the Westfall’s.  I got to spend a little bit of quality time with Bobbie and see my generation growing up (they’re all like 16).  I got a phone call for a fire alarm while I was there so had to do some work, but all in all it was nice to see some family.

 

Grandpa Dick pointing at my camera.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, not exactly in the mood for photos.

Mom, Grandpa, and I when I was a baby.  Halloween costume.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, and me when I was a baby again.  Aunt Shirley had made an awesome photo collage with a lot of photos that made me bust out laughing.

 

Bobbie’s boyfriend Kyle, Bobbie, and Isaac.  Yes, there is only one girl in these pictures…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doesn’t Isaac look so happy?

 

So yeah, that’s about it.  We ended up leaving Sunday night instead of Monday morning which meant I had a nice relaxing day on Monday to do absolutely nothing!  Later ~

My May trip to NY – Chilling with the friends

Alright, I know.  It took some time.  Easy killers!  But here it is.  My first blog from my May trip to New York.  I took lots of photos so I hope you enjoy.

It wasn’t nearly as cold this time though I did not see the sun the entire time I was there.  We got in Friday night and I immediately went to dinner with Nate at Parker’s in Seneca Falls.  They have some work to do, but it was an enjoyable experience (they paid us for our wait with free drinks).

Nate making funny faces at Parker’s

Nate’s “where the hell is my food?” face.

Alright, so I am doing a separate blog for family time because there are a lot of photos and such so let’s move onto Saturday night, shall we?  Nate and I visited Connie’s for the must-have while in the area quickies…  Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s a burger!

I am starting to sense a theme with the faces?

 

Nate with the rigged pepper shaker…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deliciousness.  I know it seems silly but you just can’t find the right texture of gravy to enjoy this delicious treat down here.  That’s all there is to it.

 

 

Nate and I getting started at Dewey’s.

 

The rest of the gang finally joining us.  Lemon drops anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dennis was already gone by the time he got there, the photos below are proof of that.  Boo doesn’t seem very happy to be having his picture taken.  Oh well.

 

Dennis insisted that he could take a photo of Nate and I… clearly…

 

Dennis…  Oooh Dennis…

I’m not sure who took this one, but they are getting better…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks Boo!  Enjoying my favorite cherry vodka and lemonade with one of my best friends!

 

So yeah…  There you have my hanging out with friends in New York.  I hope you enjoyed laughing at me.  For those of you who know the rest of the story, I’m sorry!  LOL.  For those of you who don’t?  I’ll never tell.  Happy Thursday!