Closed doors and broken windows…

As most of you know based on my Facebook posts, I have a LOT going on in my life.  I have had two interviews this week and a friend who is working on getting me some part time book keeping work to keep me sane.  I also started my own Mary Kay business this week, which I fully plan to dedicate 20 hours each week to.  I also found out that Jayson and I are having a little girl!!!  @----}-----

Her name will be Magdalene Marie Pratt, Maggie for short.  I am super excited about buying all the cute frilly dresses and pink and purple clothing items.  It’s funny because outside of the beauty pageant circuit, I would have considered myself a tom boy – but I have very girly plans for Maggie.  We’ll see how well she takes to them, lol.

But don’t worry avid readers, I do NOT plan on her making her debut appearance on “Dance Mom’s” or “Toddlers in Tiaras”.  No offense to those mom’s out there that have those goals for their daughters.  If she wants to do pageants?  We’ll do pageants.  If she wants to have a Volvo driving soccer mom?  Then that’s who I’ll be.  If she tells me she wants to try out for wrestling and needs a work out partner?  You guessed it.  I’m so excited, and very emotional about the whole thing.  We found out on Tuesday, and Tuesday afternoon I found myself tearing up when wondering whether or not her future husband was already born, conceived, or not even thought of yet.  I know – I’m a mess.

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What else.  Oh!  So Mary Kay.  Not that any of you believe this, but those of you who know me very well know that it’s true…  I am really shy around new people.  Put me with a group of my friends and a few new faces and I am the life of the party.  Put me in a room where I’m the only person I know?  Can you say crickets?  I think this is my biggest fear as I learn how to put on a skin care class and essentially educate complete strangers in the awesomeness that is a product that I’ve loved for about 6 years now.  I won’t bore you to death with the details but if you have any interest whatsoever in the product, or becoming a consultant, please reach out to me.  I’d love to help you, and helping you helps me get started!

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Yes, I put in thought separation lines as to confuse you less than I normally do.  Wasn’t that thoughtful of me?!

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Restaurant business:  As many of you know, I have a serious love of food that over the past year or so has grown into a serious love of cooking.  And not to toot my own horn, but I’ve become pretty good at it.  I still struggle slightly with the creativity of it but I can take any recipe, make it my own, and have it be a complete success.  It’s kind of exciting.  I think my style of cooking can best be referred to as the “cutting corners” style.  LOL I’m not making a  roux for chicken and shrimp gumbo, are you kidding me?  I’m adding some bisquick to some oil and water and throwing it in after I’m done cooking it to make it LOOK like I made a roux.  Stop judging me right now.

So anyway, as part of this – and my as of late lack of job – I have once again been considering what it takes to open my own restaurant.  Which is honestly why I started the whole Mary Kay thing – to be home with the baby while gaining the funding to do so.  So obviously I’ve been looking to get back into the restaurant business to make sure that I still have it.  So that was two interviews this week.  One I got offered a job as a bartender immediately (but they’re not open yet – and need to discuss pregnancy), and another I am waiting back on a server position.  At least I can still sell myself in a heart beat…

Depending on where the next 5 months takes me, I’m thinking about starting culinary school on a part time basis after Maggie is born.  I need to learn knife skills, sauces, and fish.

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Life is such a beautiful mess.  I’m enjoying it one day at a time, and wish you all the strength to do the same.  I’ll write soon.

Being inside of my head is exhausting…

Seriously.  I have been doing a lot of research the past few days on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and whether or not it is something that is genetic, or results from how you’re raised.  And you’d better believe I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that my kids are not faced with the same issues that I struggle with.  I want my kids to be able to grow up, and to a point be able to shut things down when they need to.  I don’t want the anxious obsessive compulsive side of me to come out in their personality at all.  And quite frankly, I’m terrified that I’m going to fail.

Don’t get me wrong, I truly feel that my OCD is part of why I’m so successful at whatever I do and why I’m good at the things I’m good at.  But I also feel that most of my social hang ups are a direct result of my “black and white” way of life.

I got laid off today, and though my last day isn’t until the 16th, I spent the second half of the day at home.  I’ve barely been home for four hours and I’ve already completed two loads of laundry, changed the sheets on the bed, re-organized the closet, picked up the bedroom, re-structured my entire budget to live within the confines of my new income that unemployment will bring, prepped dinner for two nights, and researched ways to make money on the side and start my own business.  How in the hell am I going to survive six months of this?

I’m definitely interested in starting something that I can do from home such as PR and Marketing, creating files for people, etc. so that I will be able to stay home with the blueberry and contribute towards the financial stability we’ve worked so hard to obtain.  So maybe it’s a blessing in disguise?  No more spending $400+ a month in gas, no night meetings, just getting the house ready for Pratt baby #1.

That’s all I’ve got for now because I’m physically and mentally exhausted.  Write more soon.

Men Vs. Women… So unfair

So here is what I want to know…  Why are the baby books that are written for men so much better laid out, and written for that matter, than the ones that are for women?  What makes these people think that I care to read about heroin usage during pregnancy, or eating well for the whole 9 months when I am only 3 months pregnant?…  GRRR…

Meanwhile Jayson’s books?  Laid out in chapters by MONTH for the changes he should expect to see in me, and what’s going on with the baby.  Well that’s freaking helpful.  A lot more helpful than the pages I skipped over in my book about acupuncture.  Really?

This is where it starts to get a bit gross.  Light stomached readers (and men) should probably turn back now…  okay, I warned you.

Are there any baby books out there that talk about how effing scary this is?  Seriously?  Because I have to tell you, this pregnancy has not been sunshine and rainbows.  It would have been nice if someone had said “hey, the heartburn, indigestion, and gas are going to start before the morning sickness ever subsides” or better yet “at the end of your first trimester there’s going to be scary white crap coming out of your nipples!”…

Thank God for baby center…  I don’t know what I would do without those women.  Cause I am one cranky, mean, sick, miserable woman right now and it’s nice to know that I’m in good company.  However sometimes I want to smack the hell out of women that aren’t sick like I am…  Perfect example.  Today at Target, the man in line in front of me left his cart instead of moving it to the end to put his bags in, and then left his keys on the counter.  As I handed them to him I jokingly said “I’m the pregnant one, I should be the one leaving things everywhere".  To which the lady at the counter asked me how far along I was and proceeded to tell me that if it were not for the ultrasound, that she wouldn’t even believe there was a baby growing inside of her…  Well what the crap little blueberry?!  Why are you being so damned mean to me?  I’m your mommy, and I love you.  You’re supposed to love me back!

Speaking of which – my OB is freaking hilarious.  We went in for our second prenatal visit last week and I brought my prenatal vitamins to make sure that there were enough nutrients for both me and the baby – because my hair and nails have taken a turn for the WORSE and my skin is SUPER DRY.  He was like “yeah, those are fine” to which I responded “I was just curious because this baby seems to be sucking the life out of me” and without missing a beat he goes “and it will continue to do so for the next 20 years or so”.

Anyway, I’m not a big fan of Eve ruining it for the rest of us at this point in time…  Can’t wait to meet our little gift!

Expecting the Unexpected ~ Baby #1

As most of you know (because I assume you’re my Facebook friend if you are reading this) my husband and I are finally expecting Pratt baby #1! :D We are currently 13 weeks and 1 day and our estimated due date (or EDD) is August 26^th. That’s right; this impatient, cranky lady is going to be pregnant all Carolina summer long… ugh.  I can’t wait for that part to be over, but we are super excited and anxiously awaiting this whole pregnancy thing to be over so that we can get on with the good stuffs…  You know, spoiling it rotten!!!

Oh, and also for those of you who don’t know, this was completely unplanned and unexpected!  We had tried for almost two years before things went south with us for a while so we were NOT expecting our miracle at all.  In fact since the in home pregnancy tests kept reading negative, I had an appointment with my regular doctor the day after my OB appointment in case there was something horribly wrong with me.  Morning sickness is a myth, they should really call it ALL DAY sickness.  :P

So let’s see… What do you want to know? EDD, check. Sex? Well TOO BAD, ‘cause we don’t find out until March 27^th. I am so anxious! I just want to know already! Healthy, check. Genetic testing? No idea. We aren’t doing it…

Baby showers:

NY – May 27, yes… it is early but my husband is the pregnancy nazi so I will not be travelling any later than Memorial Day weekend.

NC – July 7, yes, it’s co-ed, yes there will be food, and yes – it’s in Gastonia… Don’t give me any lip!

Appointments thus far:

On January 25^th we had our first prenatal appointment which included our first Ultrasound (u/s) at 9 weeks and 3 days. We could make out the feet and barely the arms but the heartbeat was a strong 175 BPM.

On February 15^th we had our second prenatal appointment. Dr. Wicker was able to find the heartbeat without too much effort using a regular monitor (no picture) and the heartbeat had slowed to 160 BPM. Then he told us that finding it without the u/s machine meant that we were at less than 1% risk for a miscarriage.

Here’s a cute cartoon picture of approximately what the baby should look like right now. And no, I will not be posting pictures of my belly on a weekly basis… So don’t ask! :P

2011 and the year of losing myself…

So it has been four months since my last blog entry… and they have been a long four months.  For those of you who are unaware, they have involved me losing several friends who I would have considered pretty damn good ones, getting out of a great gone toxic in a heartbeat relationship, and starting the process of reconciling with my ridiculously patient husband.

Even though things are going very well with Jayson, I have a small group of amazing friends, and have finally been blessed with my shot at being a mom – I am more confused, and lost than when I first started writing to you all one year ago…

Can somebody help me understand this part, please? We are three months pregnant and making new preparations for our little bundle of joy every day, but I am too sick to enjoy what is coming. I have great friends who would do anything for me and yet there are days where I’d like to tell them all to stuff it and hide in a hole. And honestly sometimes it feels like Jayson and I have changed so much over the past year that I am living with a stranger, even though some days it feels like we are closer than we ever have been before. It’s all maddening.

I literally spend a good 60% of the time that I’m awake screaming inside. Any patience that I had is completely gone. With coworkers, friends, random people who don’t know how to drive, you name it. My fuse was short to begin with, and blame it on the hormones if you will, but now it is gone.

Just me letting it out, but am going to follow up with a bit more sunshine and rainbows about the baby because despite what I have stated above, I am freaking ecstatic and tearing up just thinking about playing with my new baby! I’ll let you know when I’ve finished.

Someone Like You

With a house full of company Saturday night Adele’s Someone Like You came on several times. Of course all of us women sang it at the top of our lungs while playing board games with our friends. A point was brought up. Almost every woman can in some way relate to these lyrics…

I hosted a Meetup for a group that I am a part of a couple of weeks ago completely based around Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. Including myself, only three women showed up, so there we were a group of women one in the mid 20’s, one in the mid 30’s, and one in the mid 50’s with one thing in common. Or so we thought. We were all separated and learning how to cope with our failed marriages.

But by the end of the night we had realized that we had so much more in common. Not only were we learning how to cope with our failed marriages, but our stories were all so very similar. I was able to relate to a woman in her mid 50’s who was at a completely different stage in life in ways that I never thought possible. Why: Because we both felt exactly the same. We are both going through exactly the same thing. Learning how to move on with our lives, how to date again, what’s normal, how we should feel, all sorts of crazy struggles. We are learning how to be us again.

With every relationship, breakup, experience, friendship, loss, celebration that comes our way, we are all learning from it. We are beautifully ever changing beings that are all going through the same exact thing disguised as different situations.

What have I gathered from it? That I’m glad I’m so open with people. It allows me the opportunity to be there for people who may not think that it’s okay to talk to someone. They may be in the same exact spot I was a few months ago, holding everything in and hiding behind a social calendar that could wear out Martha Stewart.

When people see that I’m not perfect, and that I hurt to? It allows people to open up in ways that they otherwise wouldn’t have. And with that I realize that is the true reason that I am so easy to talk to. Because I am open and honest about where I am in life, and it makes others feel that they can be open and honest about where they are in life as well.

The decisions that change your life

Let’s be honest. We make hundreds of decisions every day.

Do I want to get out of bed when the alarm goes off?

Do I need to wash my hair today?

What do I want for breakfast?

What socks do I want to wear?

How should I do my hair today?

Do I need a jacket?

Do I give Gracie some wet food with her breakfast?

I’m just rambling off meaningless decisions that I face every day before I even walk out the door. At this point I have maybe been up an hour.

So we make hundreds of these tiny decisions every day. Decisions are a part of life. These are the easy decisions. My definition of an easy decision: minimal choices resulting in minimal consequences.

So what about the hard decisions? What tactics do you use to make those gut wrenching, life changing decisions that nobody ever actually wants to make? Do you stick with those decisions once they are made? Do you falter in your decision? Do you always go with your gut reaction? Do you create a list of positives and negatives and go with whichever list is more favorable? How often do you regret those decisions?

I have shared a lot with a few lately and I’m going to be completely honest… I think it’s hilarious how people take my decision making. I am very much a gut feeling decision maker. I’m not the brain-storming list maker. Yes… I do know that this is against my OCD tendencies but you know what? I only have a short amount of time on this earth and I’m not going to spend it agonizing over decisions (no matter how crazy they seem) or regretting ones that I have made.

I find a path and I start to head down it. If I get half way down and can’t work my way through it with a machete, then it’s time to create a new path for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my way is the only way. Hell, I’m not saying that my way is the right way. I am saying however that they are my decisions to be made. I very much love the people with whom I have gained their concerned. Don’t think that I’m not. I just wanted to rant a little bit about the musings of people completely non-understanding of the “erratic” or “fast” decisions I have made with my life.

I am happy, and I love my life. Can you honestly say the same?

Who are you when you’re happy?

I have noticed in my flux of consciousness lately that I am a completely different person when I am happy. When I have the weight of the world on my shoulders I am a very serious person. When I am ignorantly, blissfully happy? I use horrible childish English, drink lots of wine, and laugh, all the time, about absolutely nothing.

Can you tell the minor differences in when you are truly happy and when you are just normal and when you are just barely surviving?

What about the big differences? I find it so much easier to be nice to someone that I may not be able to stand when I am not happy.

I love listening to the Playlist for this blog. It’s so funny to see the different phases that I go through. Y’all get it at a random mix but if you actually look at the playlist, you can almost see moods based on when the songs were added. Happy ones added together, miserable ones added at a completely different time surrounded by completely miserable songs.

Thank you for making me happy.

I know it’s short, but I just needed to write for a bit.

Hope that y’all are having a fantastic week.

What is your self worth?

What is your self worth?  What are you doing to figure it out?  I am sitting here with my headphones plugged into my iPhone so that I can drown out the noise around my while I should be working to reflect on a lot of choices and decisions made recently.  Not just by me, but those around me that affect how I see myself as a person.

 

Let’s start with the menial crap.  This diet that most of you know I am on.  Somewhere when I was little between the batons, the modeling, the cheerleading, the girl scouts, the basketball team, drama, chorus, and band: it was clearly programmed into my head that I need to maintain the skinny image to find myself attractive.  Great.  The funny part about this?  Is that y’all don’t even seem to think that I have a weight issue.  Regardless of that, for some notion that someone clearly put in my head at some point, I am chewing down the last of a green apple (my breakfast) with a 1.5 liter bottle of water open in front of me.  The one that I am destined to finish before ending my day.

 

What are you self conscious about?  What made you that way?  What are you doing to rid yourself of the issue?

 

For the first time in my life I can honestly say that my self esteem is not dependent on one other person.  The problem is that it has mutated to being in the arms of a good group of oooh… 400+.  That’s right.  The life of an organizer being under the microscope is the issue causing the tension in my shoulders and the questioning of my every move.

 

The funny part about that is when people do actually question me?  They are not worth it, and most the time I want to punch them in the face.

 

Which brings me to another point I suppose.  Who the hell do some of you people think you are?  Are you really that unhappy with yourself that you take no time to dissect the correct way to talk to people?  Why are you not taking the time to make sure that your words do not cause new issues for people who; like you; are struggling to figure out who they are every day without your negativity?

 

I have said it before, and I am sure that I will say it again.  I am the queen of run on sentences.  I apologize about that.  Lately I also find myself to be this tip toeing woman so afraid to hurt or offend others that I end up living a lie to avoid the inevitable.  I am sorry about that.  I am resolving not to do so anymore.  Which will lead me to some pretty tough conversations this week.  Fun stuff.

 

But my challenge to every single one of you is two fold.  If you aren’t already completely aware, figure out what it is that makes you self conscious about yourself, and get on a plan to change it.  I know that this is not as simple for everyone as it is for me to lose 20 pounds.  But won’t it be worth it?  My second one is to not let the opinions of others affect your opinions of yourself, or your decisions in living life.  Do what makes you happy.  We’re only here for so many earth rotations.  Make each one count.

 

Have a great week.

I did not wait for the iPhone5!

If one more person asks me why I just purchased an iPhone4 instead of waiting for the iPhone5, I may scream.  Like scream right in their face.  I am okay with everyone who calls my iPhone racist for being white.  You’re just jealous because mine is sexier than yours.  But seriously people, I’ve done my research, and am even providing it for you.  Stop asking!  :D

August 17 - http://iphone5release.org/new-report-claims-apple-set-to-start-iphone-5-pre-orders-on-sept-30-launch-oct-7/

If the pre-order date is accurate and Apple does intend to start allowing pre-orders on Friday, September 30^th then it’s almost a certainty that they will hold some form of preview event in early September.

August 25 - http://iphone5release.org/ios-5-beta-hints-at-lte-support-in-iphone-5-and-ipad-3/

Although the iPhone 5 is all but confirmed to be launching sometime in September or early October, Apple has yet to even confirm the existence of the device. Nothing is known about what the next-generation iPhone handset will deliver in terms of upgraded hardware or features; whether or not LTE had even been considered by Apple was unknown until the discovery of LTE settings in iOS 5 Beta 6.

http://www.apple.com/ios/ios5/

“Get over 200 new features for iPhone with the free iOS5 Software Update.  Coming this fall.

So anyway, if you have information about what the differences are going to be between 4 & 5, go ahead and share.  If you’re waiting to upgrade for the release?  By all means, go ahead and wait.  But I’m not a very patient woman.  End of story.

A general update for my avid readers

Some of you have been doing some serious harassment of my lack of writing.  I want to say thank you for that.  I have been really busy but this is truly one of my best therapies and really something that I should continue to do.  So let’s dive in, shall we?

Let me just put it out there.  THE QC YOUNG ACTIVE PROFESSIONALS HAS 399 MEMBERS in less than 4 and a half months!  Can you tell that I am excited?  It still blows me away every day what this group has turned into, and the future that I see for it expanding before my eyes.

Huge thank you to all of you who have made it possible.  It is the biggest passion in my life and something that I am very proud (can’t you tell?) of!

Now onto this diet.  It occurred to me about two weeks ago that I am heavier than I have ever been.  Given the fact that I have literally been the same height since I was 13, being about 15 lbs. heavier than I have been in the past 11 years knocked me into a serious funk.

I am happy to report that I have already lost 3 pounds and am on the way to some amazing life style changes that will prohibit me from ever being in this mess ever again!  Yuck!

For those of you about to tell me to be quiet because I’m not fat?  You can just bite your tongue and know that my opinion of my weight matters more to me than your opinion about my weight.  So just hush.

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I may be losing my mind.  I am in this very scatter brained passionate place right now where I’m making a lot of life style changes and doing some serious closet cleaning.  Oh, speaking of closet cleaning (literally) if you wear medium tops and are interested in seeing what I’ll be taking to Goodwill next week – you should definitely let me know…  Cause I’m just gonna take some pictures.  Some of it’s cute and just not my style and some of it’s older.  *shrugs*

I’m on the lookout for a decently priced keyboard and stand right now.  I have decided that I’m going to re teach myself how to play.  This is thanks to Adele.  So, again, if you know anyone who may be looking to unload one, please let me know!

Think, think, think…

Can I tell you that I have a small group of some seriously amazing people in my life?  The people that I have spent the past… three weekends with and who I let crash in random places in my apartment?  Those people are pretty freaking amazing…  The girl that I can literally text anything to at any time of day?  She’s pretty freaking amazing…  The rest of you all rock too, but it’s just really nice to have true friends in my life!

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Wikipedia’s version of Charisma -

The term charisma has two senses: 1) compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others, 2) a divinely conferred power or talent.

Yeah, because that’s not intimidating or anything…

Slowly reading The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership in a continued search to use my powers for good instead of evil.

Yes, this IS a lot of randomness but YOU ALL ASKED FOR IT!

Have a GREAT weekend.  I’ll keep you updated.

One good thing about music – when it hits you, you feel no pain

Yes, I really and truly did just quote Sublime in my blog title.  It happened.  I realized yesterday (yes, it took me that long) that music is my best companion.  Don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of my friends that I spend time with.  But when I get into a funk and want to hide in the corner?  What I need more than anything is a good song with lyrics that express exactly how I am feeling, belted out at the top of my lungs, followed by a song about how it’s going to be okay.

I love to sing.  Singing makes everything alright in my world.  I’ve shared with a few of you my instances of being unable to pick myself up off the floor… or shower floor in the past couple of weeks and singing through half of my repertoire of a particular type of music has been what has made me pick myself up and tell myself that it is going to be ok.

That’s it for now, but I think I will spend some time this weekend updating my blog playlist so that while y’all are hear reading about the mind numbing things I have to say, you can at least get a dose of what it is that I am talking about.

Watch for Facebook photos this weekend as it’s another action packed one in my little green book!

I get a little bit stronger…

I just wanted to say thank you for all of the positive support and encouragement from yesterday’s blog.  For the first time in a long time I have people in my life that I can depend on and it truly is an amazing feeling.  So y’all get a huge pat on the back.

I had slept really well two nights ago with the help of a friend and was even able to get out of the apartment and on my way to work before 8am.

Today I will not get home from work until 10:30pm and it is putting a huge storm cloud over my head.  I need to snap out of it if I hope to accomplish anything today.

I brought my husband with me last night to a kickball scrimmage.  I am a very competitive person with a bit of a temper that usually doesn’t go so well for all involved when I am playing sports.  He made it a point to compliment me after we left on how much I had calmed down in that regards.  I explained to him that I did lose my temper once but felt absolutely HORRIBLE for it as soon as I did it.  He told me that he was proud of the change that I had made.  It felt great to have someone else recognize all of the hard work that I am putting into myself.  And it even made me realize that I have in fact made some changes.

I am definitely still sad but it just dawned on me that I find myself filling up my calendar now because there are people that I want to spend time with more than the need to just not be by myself.  I love my friends.  I know that for a lot of you that doesn’t seem like some huge revelation but it truly is for me.

When I organized my previous Meetup group I didn’t do a very good job cultivating relationships.  I focused on managing the group.  I have learned that I can do both.  I can constantly put together new events and make sure that new people are creating friendships and take this group of… 15? people that I love and continue to grow relationships…  It’s one of my super powers.  Aside from the steel hands that I apparently have…

If you have no idea what I am talking about, let’s just say I was told I rode the mechanical bull for over 3 minutes today.  Alright.  Fine.  I will go get in the shower and get on with this day.  Hope you all make it a great one.  Lots of love.

Writing for me, enjoy.

So for those of you who have known me for a very long time, you know that over the course of the past 10 years, that I have not, for more than… three days (?) been single.  Therefore I envy those of you who complain about being single.  Not because of the lonely nights or feeling like you can’t find someone, but for being able to handle the lonely nights.  The lonely nights that apparently come even when you don’t want to be with someone!  THAT is how I know I am not ready for a relationship.

I have been drinking daily, spending a ridiculous amount of time with people to keep myself from going home, and just straight up losing my mind for the past couple of weeks.

Yet somehow they have been worth it.  As all of my friends know right now, recently I have created quite a few rules for myself.  No dating.  No drinking Mon-Thurs.  No more involving myself in others business when it is unwarranted.

I am a mess.  And that is okay.

It took me seven months to realize that I am clearly not over something I have been fooling myself to believe is okay.  Yes, I am referring to my marriage.  I have struggled more in the past month with my marriage than I have in the three years that I have been married.  I cry myself to sleep and even when there are other people in my apartment (aka drunken girls passed out on my couch) I still feel more alone than I ever have.

So my pledge to myself is to look forward, and learn how to deal with those all to frequent lonely nights that I have been experiencing lately.  More importantly than that, my goal is to not only be brutally honest with others about their things, but to open up to those friends that I love so dearly and truly do consider to be my best friends for life.  Lately I have been putting on a facade for those people and pretending that everything is okay and I am saying now that it is not.  I am not alright.

Through all of this, it is amazing how much love there is in my life.  I want to thank the amazing people in my life for caring for me the way you do.  For helping me regain my confidence back on a daily basis and making me feel like the rockstar organizer that I can apparently be.  It means the world to me.

I’m going to start writing more again.  I don’t know why I have been keeping it bottled up.

I’m in love with me

I will start by saying that yes, I realize it has been two weeks since my last post.  For that I am sorry :)  Now on to the good stuff…

I never thought that I could be in such a screwed up position in my life and be as completely and totally content and in love with myself as I am right now.  I have arrived at this awesome place where I truly do not give a rip what anybody has to say about me and I’m going to do what I want when I want and you are more than welcome to join me.

I am done with trying to fool myself that I am not broken.  I have gone through a lot lately and all of the people I know in my situation are just as broken as myself, if not more so.  However for the first time in my life I am doing the things that I want to do for me.  I am making amazing friends and awesome memories.  I am also learning that I am apparently a good friend and a strong woman.

I am this crazy person who laughs at her own jokes, sings at the top of her lungs, and organizes people and events with a tiny bit of flare and “spunk”.  Seriously… what’s not to love?  Have I mentioned that I make a mean chicken alfredo and know the lyrics to virtually any song that I have heard more than twice?

if you are stuck in the land of needing someone else to love you for you to be happy, I implore you, figure out what makes you who you are, and be that person.  It is such an amazing way to live your life.

My First Date – with me

Alright, so for those of you who already knew that I did this, you know I’m about a week late in getting it up.  Sue me, I have been one busy lady!

So, last Tuesday after coming back from a long weekend in NY and having a horrible day at work on Tuesday, I had to sit through class and a frustrating Board meeting and when I got out at 8:15 I had simply had enough!  I needed some me time.

I went home, got changed, grabbed my book and headed to the Arboretum to figure out what I wanted to eat.

I ended up at Chili’s (for those of you who have never been to the Chili’s at the Arboretum it has a gorgeous back patio area on the water that’s simply tranquil) book in hand and ready to relax.  I ordered myself a glass of wine and decided to be completely unhealthy by getting the appetizer sampler as my meal consisting of boneless buffalo wings, spinach & artichoke dip, and potato skins.  Like I said, completely unhealthy.

I sat there reading my book in the back of the restaurant enjoying the view of the water and got completely lost in myself.  There was no checking my phone every five minutes to see who had texted me.  I didn’t care.  I was on an amazing first date.  I was laughing at myself out loud based on my reactions to what I was reading in my novel, people watching a bit, and just enjoying my own company.

After that I headed home to enjoy a nice relaxing bubble bath.  This time I brought my laptop in but it was only to enjoy the next episode of Instant Star.  There was still no chatting with anybody.  It was so relaxing and definitely what I needed.

Anyway, I’m swamped through the end of May but I have several plans next month to get out and do stuff by myself.

Hope you all have a great week.

My May trip to NY – Family time

Alright, now that you know all about friend time, it’s time to show off my goofy family.  Saturday Dad and I packed the family into the truck and drove to Penn Yan for a visit to the windmill, pretzels, and butterfly fries.  It was great to spend some quality time with the kids who for the most part behaved.

Tyler is such a goof.  He didn’t want his picture taken but I got him anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tessa also not wanting her photo taken… I can’t win.

 

Grrrr…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now she’s smiling!

This was the best I could do.  He wouldn’t put the can down or come any closer…  Snot nose.

So Sunday we celebrated my grandfather’s 70th birthday with the Westfall’s.  I got to spend a little bit of quality time with Bobbie and see my generation growing up (they’re all like 16).  I got a phone call for a fire alarm while I was there so had to do some work, but all in all it was nice to see some family.

 

Grandpa Dick pointing at my camera.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, not exactly in the mood for photos.

Mom, Grandpa, and I when I was a baby.  Halloween costume.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, and me when I was a baby again.  Aunt Shirley had made an awesome photo collage with a lot of photos that made me bust out laughing.

 

Bobbie’s boyfriend Kyle, Bobbie, and Isaac.  Yes, there is only one girl in these pictures…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doesn’t Isaac look so happy?

 

So yeah, that’s about it.  We ended up leaving Sunday night instead of Monday morning which meant I had a nice relaxing day on Monday to do absolutely nothing!  Later ~

My May trip to NY – Chilling with the friends

Alright, I know.  It took some time.  Easy killers!  But here it is.  My first blog from my May trip to New York.  I took lots of photos so I hope you enjoy.

It wasn’t nearly as cold this time though I did not see the sun the entire time I was there.  We got in Friday night and I immediately went to dinner with Nate at Parker’s in Seneca Falls.  They have some work to do, but it was an enjoyable experience (they paid us for our wait with free drinks).

Nate making funny faces at Parker’s

Nate’s “where the hell is my food?” face.

Alright, so I am doing a separate blog for family time because there are a lot of photos and such so let’s move onto Saturday night, shall we?  Nate and I visited Connie’s for the must-have while in the area quickies…  Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s a burger!

I am starting to sense a theme with the faces?

 

Nate with the rigged pepper shaker…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deliciousness.  I know it seems silly but you just can’t find the right texture of gravy to enjoy this delicious treat down here.  That’s all there is to it.

 

 

Nate and I getting started at Dewey’s.

 

The rest of the gang finally joining us.  Lemon drops anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dennis was already gone by the time he got there, the photos below are proof of that.  Boo doesn’t seem very happy to be having his picture taken.  Oh well.

 

Dennis insisted that he could take a photo of Nate and I… clearly…

 

Dennis…  Oooh Dennis…

I’m not sure who took this one, but they are getting better…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks Boo!  Enjoying my favorite cherry vodka and lemonade with one of my best friends!

 

So yeah…  There you have my hanging out with friends in New York.  I hope you enjoyed laughing at me.  For those of you who know the rest of the story, I’m sorry!  LOL.  For those of you who don’t?  I’ll never tell.  Happy Thursday!

Word of the Week – Round 14!

Merriam Webster yet again, this one is from Sunday.

collaborate

Definition

1: to work jointly with others

2: to cooperate with an enemy and especially an occupying force

Examples

A number of reporters collaborated on the Pulitzer Prize-winning newspaper series.
"In a move partly aimed at strengthening ties ahead of a potential merger, the board of directors of the Lompico Water District agreed at Wednesday's meeting to collaborate with the San Lorenzo Valley Water District to replace a water line." -- From an article by Kimberly White in the Santa Cruz Sentinel, March 11, 2011

What is it that you want?

I don’t think I have ever been more self centered or selfish than I have allowed myself to be lately.  And you know what?  I’m completely okay with admitting that I am being selfish right now.  In my oh so humbling opinion, quite frankly I feel like I deserve to be.

That being said, why is it that once I have what it is I thought I wanted, I want something else, or something more?  Why is it human nature to always be looking for the next best thing?  Why are we wired this way?

Religion will argue that it’s because there is something missing.  That until you have Jesus in your life that you are missing something and will continue seeking it in worldly ways.

Why is it the exact opposite for me?  Because I have Jesus I feel like I can do more than I ever thought possible.  I can tackle more, can have more…  It’s this never ending vicious cycle of always wanting the next best thing.

Anybody have any solutions?